


do you know whats worth fighting for? [[CHAPTER ONE]]

by 0xFRERARDx0



Series: do you know whats worth fighting for? [1]
Category: Bandom, My Chemical Romance
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-04-01
Updated: 2015-04-01
Packaged: 2018-03-20 16:10:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3656712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/0xFRERARDx0/pseuds/0xFRERARDx0
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>gerard has body dysmorphic disorder. frank wants to help poor gerard. gerard feels ugly. frank wants himto see how beautiful he actually is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	do you know whats worth fighting for? [[CHAPTER ONE]]

GERARD POV

i tore my gaze away from my sleep-deprived reflection when i heard the creak of the door behind me, opening. when i made eye contact with the stranger, i could feel the vibes of curiousness mixed with fear rolling off him, forcing a smirk on my face. ive always had that intimidating effect on new people. i took a last glance in the mirror at my slightly off-putting appearance and left the gas-station bathroom.  
as i stepped back out into the warm summer evening air, i made my way down the darkening street. i made a disgusted grunt as i passed my annoyingly tired reflection. i hated him. my stupid reflection. everywhere go, i would see my distorted double, the dark black rings under his eyes and displeased expression staring blackly back. i know it was me. it just didn’t feel like me. he looks so fat. it makes me feel fat. i don’t eat because of him. i don’t want to be fat.  
i creaked the old screen door open and knew that it was only mikey home with me. mom was gone for a while, reasons unknown. she always did this. she always left and never told us why. we thought this was normal. the minute the door closed behind me, i found myself looking into yet another mirror across from the doorway.  
why the fuck did we need so many of my lying reflection always taunting me and feeding me sins of lies of what i looked like.  
i feared being overweight. i know im not as skinny as this double in the mirror portrayed, and this double was extremely too plump for my liking.  
“take your meds, gerard. youre staring at your reflection again.” mikeys voice made me jump almost completely out of my skin.  
“im not taking those pills. those pills lie to me.” i never broke the eye contact saying this true statement.  
“gerard. your skin really is pale. you really are skinny.” he took a step closer. as i felt my heart rate begin to climb, a took a step away from him.  
“never.”  
“take them or i swear to god i will shove them down your throat before you even thought about saying no.”  
he didn’t mean it. i wouldn’t take those pills. they made me see myself as skinny for real. i know my reflection was fat, he made me think i was fat too. i think i am. i don’t think i am. im confused. my head hurts.  
“gerard. now.”  
i gave him a hard stare and fled to the bathroom, locking it behind me and propping a chair under the handle before he even reached he end of the hall.  
this. again.  
i leaned over the toilet and threw up. there was no food in my stomach. at all. ever. i threw up stomach acid and water. that’s all. i threw up my entire stomachs load, then flushed. i looked in the mirror. i felt my rage burning up as i heard mikey furiously attempting to open the locked and wedged door.  
turning around, i looked out the window, staring at the faded black new jersey night sky. sighing i walked over to the open gap in the wall, climbing up and out into the brisk night air. i could hear mikey screaming my name from inside, but i didn’t care.  
so i ran.  
i ran and ran until my weak legs couldn’t carry me any farther. as my burning chest heaved i looked up at the flickering light of the Shell gas station in front of me. getting up off the dirty pavement where i had fallen, i stumbled inside and fell again. i hadn’t slept in nine days. i hadn’t eaten in twelve. i drink of course, but only cheap alcohol that im even too young to buy. i occasionally eat to stay alive but then hurl it up no more than ten minutes later. as i felt all energy drain from my body, the edges of my vision started to fill in with black, my head pounding and my breaths shaky.  
a hand jerked me out my almost unconsciousness.  
“hey. dude.” he was staring me dead in the eyes and slightly shaking my shoulder to keep me awake.  
“i..uh.what....uh....” my head was spinning andi felt so confused and...i..  
“come here.” the boy heaved me off the ground like i weighed nothing, dragging me outside to the cooler air. he was short.  
“tellme your name.” i was laying on the sidewalk, and i felt him holding my shoulders and head up so i wouldn’t fall asleep.  
i was only catching snippets of sentences.  
“come wi-“  
“hear me? hey can you-“  
“get up”  
“in the truck. there ya go”  
“don’t be worried”  
that’s all i could remember before my vision was completely gone and i was asleep for the first time ina week and a half.  
. . . . .  
when i woke, i didn’t know where i was. my heart was racing faster and then it slowed when i remembered the events of the night before.  
the door slowly opened without a sound. the boy was my age, maybe younger, i was guessing.  
“im frank. do you remember anything from yesterday? it was late.”  
i nodded to this strange boy.  
“you have a name, right?”  
i nodded.  
“it is...?”  
“gerard.” my voice was croaking and my throat felt dry and i broke into a burst of coughing.  
when i looked up from my hacking fit, frank had sat himself anxiously close to me. i tried to scoot away a tiny bit,but i arms and body were too weak.  
“when did you last eat? you look like bones.” he looked genuinely concerned. why? its not like im anyone to worry about. he didn’t even know me for fucks sake.  
“why do you care anyways?” i snapped back. that was kind of rude.  
whatever.  
“god, i was just trying to help. i felt so bad for you.” frank had pulled his knees up to his chest, avoidingmy eye contact.  
i felt bad now.  
“sorry,” i sumbled out. “ iknow ima dick.”  
frank immediately turned to me and stopped..sulking or whatever he was doing.  
“no youre not. youre just...very...” he looked down.  
i was intrigued to know what ‘i was”  
“i don’t know where the hell im going with this.”  
i tried to stand and offer my leave. he had saved me from probably dying last night and i was probably an annoyance anyways. he probably had a girlfriend who would come home any minute and flip one.  
yet again my arms failed my body and i fell onto the hard floor.  
immediately i felt arms shoving me up into the air onto my feet.  
“im getting you something to eat.” frank was holding my entire bodyweight now as if he had superstrength.  
“no..im fat already.” i avoided his gaze as i continued. “i don’t need more food.”  
when i finally looked up he looked like he was about to burst. “youre not fat! are you fucking crazy?!” he was dragging me over to the door and i honestly had no strength to stop him. “youre so underweight it makes me uncomfortable.”  
i sighed, feeling my eyes slowly well up. “please. i don’t need it.”  
frank was pretty much carrying him down the steps. “ssh.”  
i choked back a sob, letting my arms wrap around frank and he hauled me into a chair in the kitchen.  
“what do you want to eat? i have like...food?” frank giggled and gestured to the cupboard pantry.  
“i...i don’t know.” i buried my face in hamynds. “i don’t eat much.”  
i felt his hand rubbing my spiny back, and i immediately started to break down.  
“h-hey,” frank was now really close, i felt his chest pressed against my upper back. “youre fine, i’ll make something. its all gonna be okay, i promise.”  
“thank you..for everything,” i mumbled between muffled sobs, pulling my knees to my chest.  
i looked up to see my reflection in the mirror. he was laughing at me, wicked devil grin spread across his pale face, pointing at me with his agonizingly thick fingers, laughing at me with a sick silent laugh that i was unable to hear. i could just imagine the snarly high-pitch hyena cackle.  
i started to wail and i fell off the chair, scooting away from the mirror that was across the table.  
“gerard!”  
“make him stop!”  
“who?!” frank was on the floor with me now.  
i wrapped my arms around him, pulling myself up to him. “m-my reflection-n.” it was comforting to feel his arms pull me closer into him. “he k-keeps laughing at me an-and pointing!”  
“oh,” frank was strokingmy hair, trying to calm me down. “ssh, now. theres no one there.”  
“hes there! hes always there! its not me, i know it. he looks so fat. it makes me feel so fat. i know i am.” my tears were turning franks faded gray shirt darker where they landed.  
frank had moved me so i could look into his eyes.  
“no,gerard.”  
“...”  
“you re not fat. you are beautiful.”  
the tears were streaming down even harder, even faster.  
we sat there for what felt like forever. just me silently sobbing into his shirt, him stroking my hair and telling me illbe okay.  
but no, im not okay.  
i have body dysmorphic disorder. and i am not beautiful.  
..........  
“wake up.”  
i was stirred out of sleep by frank lifting me up slightly off him.  
“what..?” once i was standing, i realized we were still in the kitchen. i had fallen asleep crying into this stranger.  
“fuck i..im sorry. i'll go now.” i felt so guilty. i was just a pathetic nuisance to poor frank.  
“wait-“ he grabbed my arm and pulled me over to the table.  
“what? im just so...im pathetic. i don’t deserve your kindness, frank.”  
frank stared at me like i was an escaped mental patient. like i was the craziest of the crazy. “no. youre staying here until you feel better.”  
“im fine.” i lied.  
“youre not fine. youre all bones and you don’t see how amazing you are.”  
“because im not. im fat and ugly and a waste of your time.”  
“nonsense. now sit down and shut up while i make you something to eat before you pass out again.”  
i nodded reluctantly.  
the mirror that had taunted me earlier was gone. what the actual fuck?  
“frank.”  
he was rummaging through a shelf under the sink, pulling out a frying pan. “hm?”  
“wheres the mirror?” i avoided eye contact once more.  
“oh? that old piece of shit?” frank had set he pan on the stove and sat down in the chair opposite of me. “i fucking destroyed the shit out of it while you were out cold.”  
i looked at frank. his smile was warm and welcoming. i took a moment to take all of frank in, his shiny little nose and lip ring that i had failed to notice until now, his longish dark brown hair that was a little messy, his perfectly arched eyebrows and hard jaw line.  
everything about frank was amazing. he was a little short yes, but he was well built and pretty slender.  
“whatcha looking at?” franks voice snappedme out of my eyegasm.  
“uh..nothing?” i felt my face become a little bit flushed, and i looked at me palewhite hands, my long raven hair falling into my eyes.  
“bullshit.” frank smirked and sashayed over to the stovethat was now sizzling hot and put a few pieces of bacon on there.  
“bacon? i haven’t had that in forever.”  
“correction,” frank had let it sit and was now leaning against the counter looking at me with his warm gaze. “facon. im sorry im not a murderer.”  
i immediately smiled. he did have a bigger heart than i thought. he had took me in, yeah, but maybe he felt like ‘someone had to?’  
“oh,” i kept smiling at frank, and he gladly returned the grin before takingthe bubbling, sizzly facon off the pan and into a bowl.  
“careful, its hot.”  
“no shit.”  
i was happy for the first time in months. thank you, frank.

**Author's Note:**

> this is only chapter one out of [?] i think its pretty good.


End file.
